I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
