Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
