How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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