Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
