i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
