I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This baby is an asshole
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
