I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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