I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
