You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
