Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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