no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
