My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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