Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
