This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
