Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
