didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Me too!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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