Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
