Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
