Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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