We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
