He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
