i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
