is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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