I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
