you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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