just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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