I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
