Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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