I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
