My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
