The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
