Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
