And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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