My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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