Your dad touched me again.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
