were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just pee around me
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
