I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
