like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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