My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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