my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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