standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
