I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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