She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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