i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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