Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
