This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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