He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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