I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
we made out on top of his cat.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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