did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
