Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
