Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
