Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm like, not good at living.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
