girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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