I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
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