I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
