So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
