You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He kissed a someone with a penis
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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