Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
