it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
