It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize