you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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