You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
