Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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