Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
