Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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