I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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