Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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