the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
